Cool, Calm, Confident

A Workbook to Help Kids Learn Assertiveness Skills

by Lisa Schab 		      

As children complete the exercises in Cool, Calm, and Confident, they will develop the assertiveness skills they need to build self-esteem, stop being bullied or bullying others, and stand up for themselves in healthy, non-aggressive ways.

Self-assured, assertive kids are not only less likely to be picked on by their peers, they're also less likely to bully others. But it's not always easy for children to find a healthy middle ground between passivity and aggression. If your child is a frequent target for bullies, or has begun to tease and take advantage of other kids, the easy and effective activities in Cool, Calm, and Confident can help. These simple exercises help children stand up for themselves without coming across as aggressive, learn to be both kind and assertive, and develop self-confidence and a positive self-image. Using this workbook is an easy and effective way to instill self-esteem in both passive and aggressive children-a strength that will prove invaluable in childhood, in their teenage years, and throughout their lives.

Help children to:

Lisa M. Schab, LCSW, is a licensed clinical social worker with a private counseling practice in the Chicago suburbs. She is author of twelve self-help books and workbooks for children, teens, and adults. Schab teaches self-help workshops for the general public and training seminars for professionals. 

Table of Contents
Introduction v
Activity 1 Three Communication Styles 1
Activity 2 Your Thoughts Affect Your Actions 6
Activity 3 The Golden Rule 10
Activity 4: You Are Special 13
Activity 5 Your Special Inner Qualities 17
Activity 6 The Things You Do Well 21
Activity 7 Smile to Make Improvements 25
Activity 8 Turn It Around 30
Activity 9 The Picture of Assertiveness 33
Activity 10 An Assertive Attitude 37
Activity 11 Try, Try Again 41
Activity 12 Setting Small, Achievable Goals 46
Activity 13 Doing Things for Yourself 50
Activity 14 All About You 55
Activity 15 Your Values 60
Activity 16 Knowing Your Feelings 63
Activity 17 Managing Your Feelings 66
Activity 18 Staying Calm 71
Activity 19 Managing Your Anger 76
Activity 20 Choosing Real Friends 80
Activity 21 Taking Responsibility for Your Actions 86
Activity 22 Your Right to Say No 90
Activity 23 Your Rights 95
Activity 24 "I Feel" Statements 99
Activity 25 Starting a Conversation 105
Activity 26 Accepting and Giving Compliments 109
Activity 27 Assertiveness with a Group 114
Activity 28 Assertiveness with Adults 117
Activity 29 Separating People from Problems 123
Activity 30 Seeing Another Person's Point of View 127
Activity 31 Seeing Your Part in the Problem 131
Activity 32 Catts Problem-Solving Guidelines 134
Activity 33 Brainstorming Solutions 139
Activity 34 Problem Solving Through Compromise 145
Activity 35 Playful Teasing and Harmful Teasing 149
Activity 36 Behaviors That Encourage or Discourage Teasing 153
Activity 37 Sail Through Teasing 157
Activity 38 Staying Calm to Handle Teasing 161
Activity 39 When to Call for Help 166
Activity 40 Putting It All Together170